Archive for the ‘dating’ Category

Coming out & dating

June 26, 2008

Usually, when I start dating someone I am already out to them or come out within the first few interactions.  Its important to me to know that the person respects my identity before getting involved and attached.  Generally, coming out tends to be a rewarding experience.  Many people express a new level of knowledge about human sexuality after I explain to them what bisexuality means to me.  Sometimes, well fairly often actually, people express their own bisexual feelings to me either at the time, or later.

Very recently, I began “casually dating” someone that I have been acquantances with for several years.  I was not sure if this person knew how I identify or not, and was a little nervous to come out not knowing how they would react.  When I expressed my nervousness to my straight-yet very affirming roommate she said “well, maybe this person has bisexual feelings, too, you never know right?”  and my internalized biphobia came out and said ” No, no, I am pretty sure they aren’t bi, sometimes you just know”.

I was happily proven wrong, when after stumbly upon my myspace profile (which outs me as bi), the person I am dating expressed sexual feelings for men, and wanting to pursue that more.  I felt, happy, relieved and excited that this person felt comfortable to share this with me, and is acting on feelings they have had for a long time.  Happy bi moment!


How to date a bisexual person

March 14, 2008

 read the link first, then read what I have to say about it.

 First off, their deifnition is fairly standard, but fails to mention a gender other than men and women.  However, this is true of most basic definitions.  They also make a point to say that bi people are monogamous just like straight people. True.  However, the heavy weight on monogamy being better is rather apparent.  I’d rather see something say that it is ok to be monogamous and poly, but I do see the point in dispelling the myth. Most of the dating tips simply say “date a bi person like you would date anyone else”  good point.  Bisexual people are people, and deserve the same treatment as anyone else.

However, towards the end they kind of go back and say bi people might not want long term relationships because of not wanting to be either homosexual or heterosexual, and imply that bi people can escape homophobia by getting married and having kids.  This something I have heard from many queer, bi, and straight folks. . . and I tend to disagree.  Even if you are functioning in a heterosexual community, you’re married and have the requisite 2.5 kids and a white picket fence, you’re still bisexual.  You have still experienced feeling shame for your attractions, you still experience homophobia and biphobia from a heterosexist society.  Embodying heterosexuality does not mean you are and therefore experience heterosexuality just as any straight folks do, I think it may even mean that you experience more doubt, shame and confusion about whether or not your feelings for the same sex are ok, and also whether or not you truly belong in your life.